Watch Pulls Over Two Men Riding a Sofa on Enchanted Skates

At roughly the second bell past noon last week, the Carlotta's Ford Watch was allegedly flagged down on South Tryst Street by something no sergeant had ever written up before: a couch. An actual couch. It was allegedly traveling at speed across two enchanted skate-boards, with two men sitting on it like they were waiting for a play to start.

'I thought it was a parade float,' said Dorrin Pell, who was eating a roasted chestnut at the time. 'Then one of them waved at me with a cup holder.' Pell added that the couch looked comfortable and that he would have asked for a ride, but he had a chestnut to finish.

The Watch pulled the men over. Nobody has said whether tickets were handed out, which Skritch finds suspicious, and also kind of beautiful. What the Watch did hand out was a public statement, which allegedly read: 'While we appreciate the creativity, we do have to remind everyone: no matter what you're driving, please think about safety first.' They also called the sighting 'certainly a first.' It was, Skritch confirms, a first. Skritch has been under that street's grates since he was a hatchling and has seen things, but never upholstery at speed.

Then the Watch got spicy. Their statement allegedly suggested it was 'probably best to leave the mobile furniture displays to Eyekea.' That is a cheap shot at Eyekea, a respectable emporium that sells pictogram-only assembly scrolls and has never once asked anyone to sit on a skate-board. Eyekea has not commented. Its mimic-chair recall is, allegedly, still a sore subject.

Anyway. There was a very shiny brass button on the cushion. Round, tufted, maybe a little bit loose. Skritch got a good look at it from the drain. Where was I. Right.

Neighbors say the men were polite and the couch was not speeding. A woman named Marga Fenn, who was feeding pigeons (Skritch will not be taking questions about this), said the couch signaled before every turn. 'Better than most carts on this street,' she said. 'I have been run over by a cart with a lot more safety first on it than this couch.' The Watch declined to comment on the carts.

So what happens to the couch now? Allegedly it went home with the men. Allegedly it is a regular couch, and not a mimic, and not a very patient dragon. Skritch asked, and a Watch sergeant who smelled like boiled cabbage told him to stop sniffing the furniture. The whole street remains on couch watch, and so does the Lower City.

— Skritch, on the beat (allegedly)