The High Council Chambers underwent unexpected renovations this week as Lord Donwald ordered the installation of solid gold toilet fixtures in all executive restrooms. The expenditure, totaling approximately two hundred thousand gold pieces, was approved through an emergency spending decree that bypassed the usual budgetary review process. Opposition councilors are demanding an audit, calling the purchase an egregious waste of public funds during a time of economic uncertainty.
Lord Donwald defended the expenditure during a brief interview, stating that the previous fixtures were 'disgusting and beneath the dignity of the High Council.' He argued that visiting dignitaries from other kingdoms expect a certain level of luxury when conducting business with Waterdeep. 'It's about respect,' he stated while polishing a golden faucet. 'When the Czar of Damara visits, he should not have to sit on porcelain like a common merchant. Gold is classy and necessary for international relations.'
The Merchant Guild has expressed concern that the spending sets a dangerous precedent for unchecked executive power. They note that the same funds could have repaired three bridges, funded a school for young wizards, or provided healing potions to a thousand needy families. 'Our roads are crumbling while the High Lord polishes his throne,' stated one guild representative. The Party of the Blue Donkey has filed a formal complaint with the Inquisitors, requesting an investigation into potential violations of spending laws.
Public reaction has been mixed. Supporters of the administration argue that projecting strength and wealth is important for maintaining the kingdom's reputation on the international stage. They point out that other kingdoms have similarly luxurious council chambers and that Waterdeep should not appear weak by comparison. However, common citizens struggling with rising costs view the purchase as tone-deaf and insulting to their hardships.
The Gazette recommends all visitors to the Council Chambers bring polishing cloths if they wish to use the facilities. Fingerprints show prominently on gold surfaces. Until the audit is complete, the toilets remain in use, though guards have been posted to prevent souvenir hunting. Your tax gold at work, literally.
📰 Satire. Not real news. This story parodies real events, and every name in it is a fictional stand-in.
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