High Lord Donwald of the Golden Towers declared an energy ceasefire between Damara and Vaasa on the Truthscroll on Sunday. "Effective immediately," he posted. "Both parties have agreed. Do not break it!" Neither party had been consulted in any way a war correspondent would call consultation.
The terms, as published, are these: no strikes on the other side's lamp-oil depots, forge-works or power stations. That is the whole treaty. No map, no observers, no signing table. I checked for a handshake. There was none. A handshake rating (firm, two seconds, no hidden dagger) is difficult to file when nobody touched anybody.
Duke Volodar of Vaasa learned of the truce "from the media," like his staff. He said Vaasa supports it. He also said he had not heard Damara approve it and that this "looks strange." Hours later, Damaran ballistas hit a power station on the edge of a Vaasan city. The people who live under those ballistas, and who have gone without lights through several winters, were not consulted either.
Czar Vlad the Bear-Handed answered through the Bear's Citadel, with maximum economy. Spokesman Dmitri Pestkoff said "contacts are ongoing" and that the press would be told when there was anything to tell. Royal Minister Sergei Lavroar said Vaasa's duke did not deserve a ceasefire. Two statements, zero agreement between them. Tension holds at roughly sixty siege-days.
Mind the order of operations. On Friday the Royal Exchequer of Waterdeep lifted its sanctions on Damaran lamp oil. Donwald announced that Damara would hand over 300,000 tons at once, 500,000 in November and a million after that. The blockade came off first, and the ceasefire came second, by post. In nineteen sieges I have seen it done the other way round. Also, he announced the same ceasefire a month ago. It also failed to stop the ballistas. A reissued ceasefire is a siege tactic known as the sequel.
The High Lord keeps a running tally of wars he has ended, and this one will presumably be filed under "ended." I hate press releases. A ceasefire by post is a press release with a body count. A real parley needs two armies, one table and one pen. I ate a field ration while reading the announcement, and it was the most substantial document of the day.
Ironjaw, filed from the front.
📰 Satire. Not real news. This story parodies real events, and every name in it is a fictional stand-in.
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