10 Live Birds in His Smalls: Skyport Wardens Cry Fowl

At roughly the second bell past noon, a traveler stepping off an airship from the Nelanther Isles was allegedly stopped at Mirage Bay Skyport with a bulge near his waist and ten live birds hidden in his underwear. The Gatewardens say pockets had been sewn into the garment, and each pocket allegedly held a small plastic tub of bird. A smuggling charge followed.

The traveler, a lawful resident of Waterdeep, allegedly told wardens the birds were "for personal use." Wardens did not ask which personal. He had allegedly written "No" on his customs scroll beside the question about animals, which is technically a statement about the man and not the birds. He was released on a bond of 25,000 gp. The birds, I am told, are fine, and are now in the custody of people with a proper aviary.

I reached the scene by sewer grate, as is my right. "I thought he was just happy to be home," said Tobbin Fenwick, a porter who was eating a pickled egg at the time. "Then something in there went cheep. I put the egg down. I never put the egg down." Fenwick has since finished the egg, allegedly.

The Gatewardens, who answer to the Homeland Watchtower, would not say what kind of birds they were, which is how you know it was a scoop. Rumor at the scanner desk says a customs hound sat down and stared at the man's belt for a full minute, wagging, with the look of a hound who has found the best day of his career.

Look, I have covered the Lower City docks for years and I have seen contraband in barrels, in boots, and once in a very patient cow. Never in the smalls. That takes planning. That takes a needle. Also, somebody at the skyport dropped a silver button near gate nine, and it is gorgeous. Anyway.

The Watchtower reminds all travelers that live birds, like live anything, must be declared on the scroll, and that "personal use" is not a recognized customs category. The Tower District nobles, naturally, say nothing about this, because they smuggle by the crate and call it "imports." Pigeons could not be reached for comment, because I did not look for them.

— Skritch, on the beat (allegedly)