Eyekea Furniture Store Recalls Mimic-Infested Chairs

The popular flat-pack furniture retailer Eyekea has issued a massive recall after hundreds of customers reported that their assembled chairs and bookshelves were actually mimics in disguise. The incident began when a family in Waterdeep sat down for dinner only to have their chairs attempt to swallow them whole. Further investigation revealed that an entire shipment of furniture had been cursed by a rival company seeking to sabotage the retailer's grand opening.

The company has responded swiftly, offering full refunds to all affected customers along with free healing potions for those who were bitten or partially digested. 'We deeply apologize for this unfortunate incident,' stated the CEO, a gnome with a thick accent and a clipboard. 'We have implemented new detection spells to ensure all future furniture is genuinely inanimate.' Customers are required to return the cursed items to any store location, though some report the furniture is resisting being moved and has grown legs to escape.

Consumer protection wizards are investigating how the mimics entered the supply chain. Preliminary reports suggest the creatures were introduced at the manufacturing facility in the dwarven mountains, where security is typically tight. Some theorists believe a disgruntled employee cast a polymorph spell on the inventory as revenge for being denied a raise. The facility has been temporarily closed pending a full magical audit, leaving thousands of orders unfulfilled.

Despite the scandal, sales remain strong due to the company's affordable prices and modern designs. Many customers argue that the risk of being eaten is worth the savings compared to traditional furniture makers. The company is capitalizing on this by marketing the chairs as 'interactive seating' with a disclaimer that bites are not covered under warranty. Insurance companies are now offering rider policies for mimic-related damages, though the premiums are steep.

The Gazette recommends all furniture owners cast Detect Magic on their chairs before sitting down. If the wood feels warm to the touch or appears to be breathing, do not attempt to sit. Instead, contact the company's emergency hotline for immediate pickup. Until the supply chain is secured, customers may want to consider antique furniture from verified sources. Your backside will thank you.