Pharmacy Chain Pays 315M gp Opioid Settlement, Admits Nothing

Friends, the Royal Inquisitors announced on Tuesday that the Curse & Vial Shoppes will pay 315 million gp to settle a lawsuit over opioid prescriptions, specifically the poppy-draught kind. It is the latest opioid settlement in a decade of them. The realm's druggists, wholesalers and potion-makers have now handed over more than 50 billion gp in total, most of it to the provinces, and I would like it noted that none of them handed over a single apology.

The suit was filed back in 2024. It said the Shoppes' apothecaries filled mountains of poppy-draught orders, including early refills and scrolls signed by known "pill mills," and that the Coffers of Medicine & Succor often footed the bill. The Inquisitors also said the apothecaries were left short-handed and paid bonuses for speed, so nobody had time to read the scroll before sliding the bottle across the counter. Associate Inquisitor-General Stanley Woodwand called the deal "a significant milestone."

The Shoppes, for their part, strongly disagree. Their statement says the settlement admits no wrongdoing and that their apothecaries were held to "vague and shifting standards." Friends, I have been a cleric for forty years, and the standard has always been the same: if a patient asks for three months of something that makes them forget their own name, you look up from the counter and ask a question. It costs nothing. It is cheaper than 315 million gp.

The deal also requires new safeguards so that controlled draughts go out only when a healer truly needs them. I find it a little sad that this needed a court order. The old herbals, which I consult daily, say a remedy should be as slow and gentle as the illness it treats. The Disease Council's own studies have found that opioid deaths are finally falling, though still above 100,000 in the worst years, and each of those was somebody's neighbor, which is why I will not be making jokes about the patients. The joke is the bonus chart.

You may remember the support group in the Lower City that meets above the cheesemonger. They are still there, and they still bring their own biscuits. If the Shoppes truly want to make amends, they could send over some chairs. Chairs are far cheaper than settlements.

My friend Nyx tells me there is an app that will refill a scroll before you finish asking for it. Go outside, Nyx. Meanwhile, if your back aches, try a hot compress, a stretch, and a pot of ginger-and-carrot soup, which has never once been the subject of a royal complaint.

Rest well, friends. — Brother Wendell