Resurrection Insurance Premiums Skyrocket

The cost of coming back from the dead has become prohibitively expensive for the average citizen, according to a new report from the Health Care Guild. Resurrection insurance premiums have doubled in the last year due to a monopoly held by a consortium of necromancers who control the supply of diamonds required for the spell. Clerics are protesting the markup, arguing that bringing souls back to the material plane should be a service provided by the temples, not a luxury for the wealthy. However, the necromancers claim the diamonds are scarce and mining them involves significant risk from earth elementals.

Families are faced with difficult choices when a loved one passes away unexpectedly. Many are forced to crowdfund the resurrection cost through magical gofundme scrolls, but these campaigns often fall short of the five thousand gold piece requirement. Some have resorted to cheaper alternatives, such as speaking with the dead via séance, but relatives complain that the deceased are often grumpy and unhelpful when summoned temporarily. There is a growing movement to legalize lower-level resurrection spells that bring people back with fewer hit points, but the medical board warns this could lead to chronic health issues.

Clerics are also demanding better working conditions, citing burnout from channeling positive energy multiple times a day. They are requesting shorter shifts and mandatory meditation breaks to prevent divine backlash. The temples are understaffed, leading to long waitlists for resurrection services. It is not uncommon for a body to remain in the morgue for weeks while waiting for a high-level caster to become available. During this time, decomposition sets in, complicating the magical process and requiring additional preservation spells that increase the final bill.

The government is investigating the necromancer consortium for price-fixing, but the wizards argue that they are protected under freedom of magic laws. Some politicians propose nationalizing the diamond mines to stabilize prices, but this risks sparking a conflict with the earth genasi who inhabit the depths. Meanwhile, adventurers are opting for cheaper life insurance policies that pay out to their next of kin rather than funding their own return. The cultural shift means fewer heroes are coming back from fatal blows, leading to a shortage of experienced leaders in the field.

Financial planners advise citizens to start saving for resurrection early in their careers, setting up dedicated trust funds managed by lawful good banks. There are also rumors of a black market for synthetic diamonds that can fuel the spell, though these are unstable and may result in the resurrected person returning as a zombie. The Gazette recommends reading the fine print on any life insurance policy and ensuring the provider is licensed by the Divine Health Board. Death may be inevitable, but the cost should not be bankrupting.