Friends, I woke at the fourth bell this morning, ran through my sword routine (three hundred lunges, one mirror), and opened the trade scrolls to the best news Hollowood has had in a generation. Pallamount and Warder Bros. Diskovery are now one company. It is called Skytrance Consolidated, and it is worth 110 billion gp. Let that synergy wash over you.
The merger closed on Tuesday, and that same morning Guildmaster Davyd Elfison and his co-Guildmaster Ynnon Kryse sent the staff a memo. "Integrating two companies will bring change, including difficult decisions that affect our workforce," they wrote. "We are committed to handling this process thoughtfully and respectfully." They didn't wait a week. Elfison didn't even wait for the ink to dry on the wax seal before rightsizing the adventuring party. That is what we in the guild-founding community call a bias for action.
Hollowood county clerks estimate that about 4,500 local film and stage jobs could vanish. The pessimists want you to see 4,500 lost jobs. I see 4,500 people who just got handed a free sabbatical to work on their personal brand. Several of my eleven ventures were born on just such a sabbatical. Two of them are currently helping the Royal Inquisitors with their inquiries, which is a kind of growth too.
The vision here is huge. Skytrance plans to make thirty spectacles a year and find more than 6 billion gp in yearly savings over three years. It also carries 80 billion gp in debt, but debt is just belief that has signed paperwork. And the company now owns both the Crier News Nexus and the Cauldron Broadcasting Society. Two rival town criers under one roof means one coherent message. Twelve provincial Magistrates-General made them promise an "independent editorial board" for both, and I'm sure it will be very independent. Regulators always need something to do with their hands.
The shares dropped about 8 percent the day after closing. The Merchant Princes call that a selloff. I call it a discount for believers.
Some people have pointed out that the young Guildmaster is the son of Larrion Elfison the Elder, one of the richest wizards in Waterdeep, and a close friend of High Lord Donwald of the Golden Towers. Haters will call that a head start. I met Elfison the Elder once, briefly, on the gangplank of his third-largest yacht. He looked straight past me at the horizon and said, "Move." I have thought about that word every day since. Get out of the way of momentum, people.
No doubt Brakka Stonesweat is already drafting another tear-stained column about "the workers." Brakka, the workers are fine. They've just been invited to pivot.
Key takeaways for the ambitious adventurer:
• When two giants merge, be the one writing the memo.
• "Difficult decisions" is a leadership competency, so put it on your résumé.
• 80 billion gp in debt is just 80 billion gp of runway.
• If a billionaire tells you to move, move.
— Sterling Vanmoor, Guild Visionary. Let's connect at the Yawning Portal.
📰 Satire. Not real news. This story parodies real events, and every name in it is a fictional stand-in.
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